The Cruel and The Beautiful: Chapter 5

Chapter 5

“I don’t advise you touch it- and no funny business,” Rivaille had warned, arms folded over his chest. “But take a good look and see if it jogs anything.”
It had been a week since they’d been shown Annie’s crystal, and nothing much but a few questions had been asked.
“Did you know Leonhardt?”
“No, Sir.”
“Do you recall ever seeing her, the colossal titan or the armoured titan outside the walls?”
“No, Sir.”
“Do you remember anything that’s of any use to us at all..?”
“… No. Sir.”
But Starke kept returning. They all did- one by one, filtering through the prison doors and down into the abyss. The room she was kept in was more like a hall, which lead the teens to wonder why she’d been placed there- but it wasn’t like they could ask questions. They had to trust their superiors.
The first one to come crawling down was Jerome. Levi had watched through the cracks in the door as he’d paced, staring up at her crystal, before sitting and watching it for nearly an hour. His speech was erratic and made hardly any sense half the time when he spoke to the frozen girl. He talked about a machine in a forest that would ‘make it all better’, but to Rivaille that meant nothing. Afterwards he would laugh, and hold his head as if he was in pain. Sometimes he cried.
Bronwyn was much more stable than Jerome- and whereas he only visited three times, she came four.  She was more curious. Everytime, she would greet Annie with some friendly statement, before chatting away. Sometimes she bought pencils and paper, and she’d draw the crystal and the girl inside, or titans she had seen and could remember. Sometimes she even draw Starke and Jerome’s titans, sparring or carrying her.
“You gotta talk to me sometime, you know.” She had said during one of her drawing sessions, which caught the Corporal’s interest. “We’re like a family. All lost, so we went looking for people in the hope that they’d have the answers… but they’re just as lost as us, really.” Rivaille had noted that- not sure if it meant they knew more than they were letting on, or not.
Starke’s interactions with Annie were erratic, but in a different way. Sometimes, she was very calm- but others, she was angry, as if the crystal was just choosing not to give her answers.
More often than not, she sat in front of the female titan and spoke quietly. About having friends, about motives, about missions and consequences.
“I don’t suppose you enjoyed it. Betraying them, I mean. It’s such a dirty word, isn’t it? Betrayal. Sounds like you have to spit it out or it’ll leave a bitter taste.” Levi had listened intently to every word, feeling that she was the ringleader out of the trio. Much like Eren with his two friends. “I wonder… Can you hear me? Annie…? Are you cold in there?” Her tone was… Gentle. As if she was coaxing an animal out of hiding after it had been frightened.
“Are you lonely, Annie? I'm lonely, too” It angered the short man that she could be compassionate towards a creature that had murdered his squad and killed hundreds more in the inner walls.
“If you come out, I wonder… Will you join us and help humanity?”
Perhaps it was because he couldn’t see it from their point of view- lost and alone in a world they had been apart from for many, many years. He found them… Odd to say the least. Some of the things they said were out-dated; some of the expressions they used were used before the walls were built. Some he had never heard before. But still, they were proving valuable. Satisfied Erwin had made the right choice, he had settled it with Hanji that they would be working with both squads, and as soon as they had once again got to grips with their 3DMG, they were allowed to ride out with the Survey Corps.
As long as listened to orders, that was.
It was the night before an expedition when Eren heard Starke up and about. Normally, she’d be sleeping in the girl’s half of the barracks, but she was slipping out towards the prison block. Nervous she was going to try and free Annie- still not ready to trust the shifter after the events with all of the those he’d befriended and been consequently been betrayed by- he tailed her, staying in the shadows, but ready to catch her in the act if need be.
Passing through the halls and following them underground, she finally came to Annie’s chamber and let herself in- most probably by picking the lock. The guards were on duty, but their patrols were timed, and she’d obviously worked out when they’d have passed the door. Jaeger was preparing himself for another betrayal, but as he neared the chamber, he heard her speaking.
“So, I’ve remembered something,” She began, throwing herself down on the stone floor and looking up at the impassive expression of the crystallised girl. “And it’s great. Listen closely.”
Leaning against the wood and peering in the cracks, Eren did listen. He felt he blood in his veins pumping, ready to kill her if he had to, but as she continued he relaxed.
“His name is Zacharie Porter, just younger than me by a month or two. He was in my squad- the group I took outside my set of walls. He could do what you could- his titan could harden itself.” Her tone was somewhat weary, the boy noted, watching her slouched figure on the cool stone.
“There was another one- Avia Rothbahn. Her titan could harden its fingers and toes. Liked to climb, the little bugger- used to rip their necks right out.” She chuckled, but it wasn’t a humorous noise. It was… Sad. There was a pause. Eren didn’t breathe.
“I lost them, Annie,” She rasped, voice strained like she was going to cry. Surprised, the titan shifter blinked. Starke didn’t cry, he’d never seen her cry. Even in military court- even though training, when Mikasa knocked her down, she got back up. Her will was iron, and so was her façade. But here she was, curled on the floor of a prison, talking to a girl who may was practically worlds away.
“I lost them, and it’s all my fault!” Sobbing now, the girl hugged herself, almost like she was holding the pieces together. “I was drafted for the exploration mission. They didn’t want my friends- said they were too reckless and headstrong but I couldn’t just go. Somehow, I convinced them…” Her voice was strained with such anguish; Eren felt a twinge in his chest. It was like him…
“I got them all killed, Annie!” Choking the words out, she heaved a breath, head resting on her knees as she cried. “They followed me- they promised they would follow me everywhere! Jerome and Bronwyn look at me like I’m some hero- I’m not. I’m not a hero, I’m a monster who got her friends killed because I couldn’t take no for an answer.”  For a few more beats, she cried, but then she stopped. It was abrupt, like somebody switching off a tap. “They got separated from us. Zach and Avia. He carried her away- I remember it. Titans, everywhere…. I told him to go, and he took her and ran. Jerome and Bronwyn followed me…” Sighing, she lay there on the dirty stone, eyes cast up to the ceiling. She was quiet, nothing but the drip, drip, drip of water from the stones could be heard. Taking a shaky breath, he was about to turn to leave when she spoke.
“What’s it like listening to a girl cry from over there, Eren?” Freezing for a second, it passed through his mind that she may be bluffing- but then he opened the door and stepped inside, sheepish.
“Sorry…” He started, but she was back on her feet, waving her hand at him.
Her eyes were puffy and red.
“No, no- it’s okay. You thought I was up to some nasty business, right? No worries.” Surprisingly, she was slightly more friendly than usual. Her face seemed a lot more open, and as she gestured for him to stand beside her to observe Annie, he could almost feel the emotions from her.
“I’m glad you’re here, to be honest.” She said, eyes downcast. “I don’t want to sit here, I just feel like… I have nobody else that I can talk to.” With a heavy sigh, she gestured to the chrysalis that Annie was wrapped in. “Leonhardt isn’t very talkative, but she listens.” A hollow laugh followed her words, her heart not in it. “… I just can’t let them know, Jaeger. They’re all I’ve got left, and-“
“They followed you here, right?” His eyes were their usual intense blue/green, shimmering slightly in the firelight. She nodded. “Then why do you think they’d back out now? You have something special, you guys.” He was slightly awkward to start with, but the more he spoke, the more confident he became. “I don’t really know you enough to say anything, but if you made the wrong choice a few times, then… You’re not alone in that.”
Thinking back to what the men had spoken of during her trial, she nodded, placing one hand on his shoulder.
“Then you’re not alone, either.”
The two stood in the shadow of a betrayal that had shaken Eren to his core, but with the gentle exchange of smiles, a friendship seemed to be forming.
“I can’t promise that I’m good, and you know that,” Starke started, her voice sincere as she peered at him in the flicking light. “But I’ll do my best to be good. Even if we’re seen as monsters.”
-
Of course, preparing for an expedition was no small feat, and everybody was busying themselves with something before they set out.
By the stables, the titan shifters walked their horses around, chatting and brushing them down.
“Think we’ll need to go titan during this?” Bronwyn asked, shy and by her smaller horse, named Speedy. Probably because he was.
“I hope not,” Eren grimaced, patting the animal’s nose. “That normally means something shit has happened.”
“Well if all goes to plan,” Starke said, patting the thick neck of Reisen, her monster of a beast. “We shouldn’t need to. Let’s put our money on that for now- just be ready to if we’re needed.”
Jerome stayed quiet, watching the other soldiers pass him by. There was an odd air to him, as if he’d recalled something that had left a bitter taste in his mouth.
After last night’s confessions to Annie’s crystal, she was more than aware of what he may have remembered. Starke may have pursued it any other day- but not then. If they were to die today, she wanted them to die as friends.
The unlikely bunch finished with their horses, saddled up and rode out to catch up with the rest of the survey corps, not speaking another word to each other.
-
The day was clear, and as they rode in the centre of the formation, there were no warnings on the horizon. It was only the odd flare that went off as they dodged titans, aiming to get beyond the forest of giant trees today and explore some more of the world outside- as well as test the loyalty of their shifters.
Starke didn’t know what that meant. All she knew was that she was responsible for the deaths of her friends, and that she was slowly becoming seriously attached to the girl in the crystal. It was a losing battle.
“Starke?” Eren called over from his horse, voice concerned, but she waved a hand at him.
“Focus, Jaeger.” She said, eyes on the scenery around them- which was very beautiful, but could prove fatal.
They rode along in more silence, focusing only on the commands given by Erwin and Levi, listening and watching for trouble- but Hass’s mind was elsewhere.
It was pondering the allure of the girl in the crystal. That and the girl who rode ahead with Levi- Mikasa. Why? Why was it she found them so… Interesting?
She couldn’t remember. Maybe at home she had been… Gay? She’d only ever taken any notice of those around her here during training. Only the girls, never eyes on Eren when he took off his shirt, or Jean.
Then, there was a spike of memory and her horse nickered, ears flicking back as her hands gripped the reigns far tighter than needed.
-
“If you’re like that, girl, then you’ll never be fully accepted. A member of a dying race that cannot reproduce is not needed.”
“You’re my daughter, so I expect you to make sure this never happens again. Are we clear?”
“Do you like me, Starke? Is that it? Is that what all the fuss was about? Well, I… I think I like you, too.”
-
“Starke?” It was Bronwyn, riding beside the pale-faced girl. Hass had sagged slightly in her saddle, but jerked her head up when she heard the younger girl’s voice. Thankfully, it did not match that of the girl in her head.
“Sorry- Sorry…” Waving one hand weakly, she dismissed her superior’s worries, but not Fieldstone’s. Riding beside her friend, she watched as the girl began to ride with more purpose, face stony.
“What did you remember-“
“It’s nothing, Brownie. Don’t worry about it.” Expression impassive, she rode on, pulling away from the shorter girl’s little horse and pushing Reisen forward, his great mass accelerating with ease. Put out, but not put off, the brunette stuck close to her friend, eyes more on the fair-haired shifter than on the horizon.
Maybe Starke might have said something to the two about it, if it wasn’t for their current location. That and she didn’t want to tell anybody who wasn’t able to keep their mouths shut.
Jerome was riding a little bit off from the rest of the centre formation, lagging just a little way to the right, behind his two companions and the rest of the team. Jean shot him slightly worried glances from time to time, as did Jaeger, but nobody questioned his motives. The boy was a law unto himself lately- even more so than Starke.
If only he could catch up…
The black flares signalled the arrival of an aberrant and it’s imminent approach, and as Erwin barked orders, it was only those closest who realised what was happening. Something was speeding through the ranks and heading for the centre column.
“This could be any of the titan shifters we have already seen,” His voice carried, but not to the olive-skinned boy who was far, far away, buried in his memories.
“If the others do not kill it first, we will be forced to engage and capture the shifter. If it is a regular aberrant, attack and destroy.”
But Doriarpy wasn’t there.
-
A dirty, filthy life of being poor and knowing that it was a real hunger that gnawed at his bones. He was small, about 9 maybe, but he was fighting for his life. Beside him, little tiny Bronwyn held his hand, and they trudged together through the stinking streets of the slums.
They had very little- shredding clothing and a few pieces of stale bread wrapped in cloth the scampering children had stolen from merchants.
“Willow won’t be hungry!” The small girl had cried.
“We won’t be, too,” Jerome had spoken back, carrying the bread carefully. “And even Podia can eat.” His little sister, who he didn’t really like but had to, was waiting. His mama and papa. Little Bronwyn’s younger sister, Willow, and her mama and her papa. All going to eat because they’d got some bread.
His little stomach growled.
“Maybe if we stop and just have a little bit to ourselves?” He started, only to freeze in his tracks. By his side, the smaller girl glanced up, before shrinking behind him, standing in his shadow, already starting to shake.
Three older kids were leaning on the wall closest to them, eyes on the bread the two had. It made sense- they were all hungry.
Clutching the food, he took a step back, fearful.
“We just want the bread.” Said one.
“You give it to us, you can go home.” Said the tallest, cocking his head.
Jerome shook his head, frowning, his little dirty face twisting into a snarl.
“No! We need it!”
“Everybody needs it.” Snapped the third boy, coming forward and attempting to snatch the food. Doriarpy moved himself and Bronwyn away, before handing her all of their food.
“Brownie, go and hide. I’ll take ‘em.” She nodded, and scampered a little way off, but then waited for him. She couldn’t just go.
The half-brave, half-mad little boy turned on the others, his teeth bared in a feral snarl. It wouldn’t be the first time he’d had to fight other kids- but it was the first time he’d had to protect Bronwyn. So their fight began, the little ball of fury that was Jerome tangling with the bigger boys, ripping and biting at them, struggling against them but never for a moment giving up.
“Maybe you shouldn’t do that, boys.”
And she’d just appeared when they had him pinned down and were going to finish the job.
Later, she’d say that she could hear Bronwyn’s shouts and his cries, and that’s why she’d come. But it didn’t really matter, because that was the first friend Jerome ever made that wasn’t from the streets.
Starke Hass had saved them and sent the boys packing when she was 10 years old;
They had been friends ever since.
-
It was fast. On all fours, the titan that sped towards the central column.  Charging for the shifters, and by rights, the group scattered to allow it to pass through them- to give them range to attack its neck.
All but Jerome.
The boy looked up at the last moment and jerked his horse forward, only to have the monster take out the back end of his animal- as well as catch his leg in its mouth. It dragged him off, scampering forward- and his mossy eyes fell on Starke’s face. She snarled, her voice barely audible above the pounding of the blood in his head and the anger. The rage. The raw red emotions throwing themselves out of their dormant state in a torrent of images and feelings.
“Kill it, Jerome!”
Kill it he would. Twisting, he howled at the titan, his lower leg crushed in its jaws as it ran- giving him plenty of reason to transform.
Without warning, the clap of thunder resounded through the air and the boy changed. His monstrous titan smashing its fists down on the bigger titan, who dropped and twisted away, gnashing its teeth at him as he screeched and pounded at it wildly with his fists, saliva dripping off those huge tusk-like fangs.
From a little way off, the central column regrouped, having already sent a flare to signal the aberrant.
“We need to continue our advance,” Levi started, but Starke’s voice rang out.
“He’s gone feral,” She growled, looking across as he rampaged around the steaming corpse of the titan who’d triggered the situation. “We need to stop him.”
“Brat, that’s eno-“
“No, he’ll kill everybody here, don’t you see?” Snapping at the corporal, she gestured to his snarling form, hunched and panting, as if deciding what to do. “His mane makes it hard to locate the patch you’d need to slice to kill him. I’ve lived with him for longer than you’ve been alive- so has Bronwyn. Let us help him!” Levi’s icy glare met Starke’s, and she gave a small cry, spurring her horse on.
“FIELDSTONE!”
Obediently, the smaller girl shot the commanders an apologetic look, before cantering after her friend, the two men watching as she went.
“Shouldn’t we-“ Eren started, but Erwin held up his hand in silence.
“She’ll be a problem.” He said, looking at Rivaille, who shrugged in return.
“Hass needs to be trained like the animal she is.” Watching her go with steely eyes, he gestured for them to move. “They’ll catch up. Ackerman! See to it they do.”
“Sir.”
The scouting legion moved on, leaving the single human with the three titan shifters- watching from afar as they moved towards Jerome’s hunched figure.